Creating Healthy Boundaries
Updated: Dec 10, 2020
"Agreeing to things to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this you are disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space & use your voice." -DJ Love Light
A boundary is a habit that can be learned but tend to be passed down from circumstance, experience, trauma, or just a personal condition. As women especially healthy boundaries need to be learned and expressed. Here are some quick tips on how to create healthy boundaries:
If your gut is telling you something, listen to it!
Listen to what your body is telling you. We tend not to realize subconsciously our bodies know what is happening. If the situation doesn't seem right it usually isn't. If you feel stress, frustration, or anxiety that's your body telling you that you need to stop. A wise woman once told me that "there is no blessing in anything that causes you frustration or gets you upset." So walk away from it.
Make selfcare a priority!
I feel as women we tend to put ourselves last in a line of taking care of people. But what I was taught when I was learning about charity is that "charity starts at home, with yourself". We have so many people who care a lot about justice but neglect the rights of our own bodies. We were given a small kingdom (our bodies) and we are entrusted to not be careless in its administration.
And don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself because how can you take care of others if you are unable to take care of yourself. Here are some self-care activities
Workout: A great way to relieve stress
Swim: A great way to get cardio with zero gravity so that you don't put pressure on your joints
Get your nails, hair done, or a quick massage
Get off your phones: We all know why we shouldn't spend hours on the phone but the question is why are we still on it non-stop?
Read a book
Be in nature: Get in touch with mother nature. There have been multiple studies that have found that being in nature can reduce stress hormones, anxiety, fear, and more. Association of Nature & Forest has more information
Stand your ground. You have already created these lines now is time to be vocal about them. This takes practice and time. It won't happen overnight or because you are reading this. You need to communicate what bothers you and remember people can't read minds. I had to do this in very small steps. It starts with those closest to you, your co-workers, family, and friends.
"Research conducted out of the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood and energy and substantially less anxiety due to lower cortisol levels." [ref]
What people don't realize is that complaining rewires our brain to be negative. This is a line you need to draw for yourself having healthy boundaries starts with you and the way you speak to yourself. Your body is connected as one, your heart and mind work together not as separate entities. So when you have the heart to feed yourself positive words it will nourish your mind.
These are some steps to help you get started. But remember creating boundaries is important for you mentally and physically. There have been numerous amounts of studies on what stress can do to the body and the negative effect it has. So create those healthy lines in the sand and know that it is something that we should be doing all the time.